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14236 - Help! My Child Lies

Help! My Child Lies

by: Noel Swanson

Childhood Lies
Unfortunately, even though adults hate lying, they often set up their children to do just that. Here's a look at how:
Greg's mother just found out that Greg was throwing rocks at somebody:
'Hi Greg, what have you been doing today?' [Why would I tell you if you don't know for sure?]
'Like what? I haven't been doing anything', he says innocently and looked a bit confused.
'Did you throw rocks at the new girl?' [Maybe I can still get away with it]
'No', he answers incredulous that you would even suspect him.
'Well Mavis says you did.'
'It had to be some other kid.' [Why would she believe a neighbor over me?]
'She sounded positive that it was you, Greg.'
'She's crazy, it wasn't me!'
First Mum tempts him to lie to wriggle out of it, and she corners him with the lie. It is showdown time. What will Mum do? Is she confident that Mavis is totally reliable? Or is there some shadow of doubt? Greg seems to be pretty insistent, what if it was some other kid? If she lets him off, she will have to apologise for doubting him. If she convicts him, it will be double punishments, one for lying and one for throwing stones.
Since most kids lie to stay out of trouble, it's up to you to promote truth and honesty. Don't tempt them to tell more lies. You have to make it beneficial for incriminating himself, instead of letting him off the hook. Lay a foundation of truth telling and honesty for your whole family. This means you can't lie either. Watch your children for honesty, and reward them when they are. Keep talking about how valuable honesty is as well as a good reputation. Show them that honesty is great and that it will be rewarded.
Then, when you do suspect your children of some misdemeanor, stay calm.
If you know for sure that he is guilty, don't tempt him to lie by asking him if he did it. Give him the details that you know and punish him.
You can also ask him to tell you the truth. Here is an example that won't giver him the option to lie about it:
'Greg, Mavis informed me of something she witnessed this afternoon. I would like to have you tell me what went on. Go to your room and think about it for 15 minutes. While you're thinking, keep in mind how much we value honesty in our home.'
This will give Greg a chance to think things over. He can dig a bigger hole for himself, or he can be honest and face the consequences. If he tells you the truth, praise him for his honesty. If he chooses to lie, even after thinking about it, then you must double his punishment. He has now both lied and thrown stones at someone, and there are consequences for both.
However he responds, have a talk with him when things have quieted down. Talk about why he may have done it. Was he mad, jealous, or feeling insecure? Tell him that such feelings are normal, but they don't excuse acting badly. This will take time, as he won't talk until he knows he can trust you not to be angry with him.

About The Author

Noel Swanson
Got a problem with your children's behaviors? Why not check out Dr. Noel Swanson's Free newsletter and articles at http://www.good-child-guide.com

This article was posted on August 24, 2005

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